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Prompt #1:  Values Worksheet:  What were your top 5 values?  What kinds of defining characteristics did you associate with your values as you crossed them off the list one at a time until you had only one value listed?  What did you learn about your values hierarchy through this activity?

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Let me begin by saying that working through this Values Worksheet was quite a challenge. I often imagine that the concepts of my nature simple and easy to define. But, when tasked with identifying the values that drive my behavior, I found that my motivations were anything but simple. So many of the terms featured in this list seem worthy of personal adoption, however, the top five on my list were narrowed down to the following:

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Honesty – In my mind, one of the most critical elements of character lies in honesty. Being honest with others and with oneself is the best way to foster an environment of open communication, trust, and respect. Honesty is a foundational value – without which many other values cannot truly exist.

 

Meaningful Work – Achieving positive progress in any endeavor links directly to the satisfaction we derive from that effort. A meaningful purpose allows me to be personally invested the results of my undertakings and that drives an undeniable sense of ownership and empowerment.

 

Personal Development (living up to the fullest use of my potential) – I understand that not everything we do in life will yield a level of personal growth. However, given the opportunity, I try to gain as much experience from my efforts as possible. I’ve come to believe that the best version of who I am should be somewhere in my future – not in my past. Personal development is the best way to ensure that who I am tomorrow is better than who I am today.

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Quality of What I Take Part In – As a reality of life, the activities in which we participate may not always be crafted with our personal values in mind. That does not mean, though, that we cannot support those efforts. When committing myself to a project or goal, I first evaluate value that effort creates for either myself or others. If the result is positive and is achieved in a way that is ethical (by my own view), then I am far more likely to participate. 

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Self-Respect – Not everything I do in my life is likely to be deemed prestigious. In fact, by many accounts, my life is fairly basic. While I admit that wealth and recognition are strong extrinsic motivators for personal accomplishment, self-respect has far more value. For most of my life’s pursuits, I can say that I am proud of what I’ve done and how I did it. No amount of monetary award or public accolade could replace the intrinsic reward I get from being proud of my own efforts. This goes back to the idea of being honest with myself and being comfortable with the choices I’ve made.

 

Prompt #2:  Take a moment to revisit your Identities Table (you completed this as part of last week’s discussion topic – Prompt #4).  Take a look at each of your “areas of identity” and reflect on your responses there – in light of your core values.  What are your core values in each of those “areas of identity?”  Highlight several key “areas of identity” that guide you in life and think about whether the values you ascribed to these areas are values that you truly live by or simply talk about.  Discuss any “values gaps”

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Considering that each of my “areas of identity” are based upon the same person (me) it does not seem surprising that each role in my life is driven by common values. However, in several of my key roles, I notice the priority of those values shift slightly.

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Retail Store Manager – As a retail store manager, my number one priority is demonstrated through honesty. As I mentioned before, honesty is a key element of establishing trust with others. As a leader, trust is invaluable. You must be able to give your followers a reason to believe that your guidance is the founded in their best interest. If they don’t trust you, then you’ll never realize the full potential of your team. Authority may drive short-term results, but there will be many long-term advantages that will never be realized without the full commitment of your team. Honesty builds trust and trust allows me to be a more effective leader.

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Father – As a father, my values must work to support the benefit of somebody other than myself. Guiding my son as he grows and matures into a unique individual means always acting in a way that makes me feel proud of my efforts. I cannot think of any work more meaningful than that of raising my child. While the decisions I make as a father are sometimes difficult, and requiring of personal sacrifice, I make them anyway. I am completely invested in any necessary effort that allows me to protect my son and prepare him for the world ahead.

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Student – Being a student is sometimes difficult for me. As I discovered in last week’s exercises, much of my personal joy and sense of accomplishment rests in meeting the needs of others. Being a student, though, primarily works to my own benefit. In some way, I feel selfish for spending so much time on my own personal development. And yet, in a larger way, I realize that investing in my education allows me to be a more valuable and capable individual. This means that I will be much better equipped to meet the needs of other and, in so doing, find more joy in my life.

 

Prompt #3:  Dreams and Desires Worksheet:  What underlying meaning did you discover through exploring your dreams and desires in this manner?  Can you see a connection between what you desire and your inner sense of purpose?  Explain.

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I don’t know if it was just me, but completing the dreams and desires worksheet was incredibly difficult. As a younger version of myself, I may have found it easy to identify all of the things I want in life – a new stereo, a fancy car, a big house, lots of friends, lots of money, etc. However, as an adult, I find that many of those things are no longer within my realm of desire. Let me be clear – having those things would not specifically make me unhappy and I would likely appreciate them as part of my life. But what I’ve noticed over the past few years is that what I really want in life comes from emotion rather than objects.

What I desire most in my life is that my family feels loved and supported no matter what our situation is in life. That love and support may appear be found in forms of material stability such as a nice home, reliable income, or a college fund. Those items, though, do not actually provide love and support – that can only be found within each of us and is demonstrated in our words and our actions in life. Beyond desire for my family’s well-being, I also desire to contribute something positive to the world. I don’t expect to win the Nobel Peace Prize or to be recorded in history books alongside people like Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. Instead, I simply want my presence in the world to bring joy to somebody else or to support an environment where others can thrive. It may seem incredibly cheesy, but one of the best parts of my job at Starbucks is that I get to be the person that many people start their day with. As such, I get the opportunity to set the tone for the remainder of the day. Making someone smile, even for something as simple as remembering their name or favorite drink, gives me an enormous sense of satisfaction. I cannot control the fate of the world around me, but in that small moment, I have made that person’s world a tiny bit better.

While the Values Checklist and Dreams and Desires worksheets helped me to identify some of my own closely held beliefs, reflecting upon them simply worked to reinforce the lessons of last week’s activities. I keep thinking back to the three questions posed by last week’s discussion. More than anything, I keep thinking about the concept of joy – “What gives me joy? (What kinds of things am I doing when I am most naturally content and happy?)”. For me, that joy comes from the well-being of others. My personal desires, at their core, represent a concern for the people in my life. Whether they are a close part of my family or a person I’ve just met, I desire to provide people with a positive benefit for our time together. 

 

Prompt #4:  Lemming Debrief:  Think about the structures in your life – select two or three and discuss how each of these structures influence your life, the way you view the world, the way you relate to others, and your ability to be effective.

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Every aspect of my life is influence in some way or another by some sort of structure(s). Structure is a critical tool in accomplishing goals, after all. Structure gives context to our actions and provides a platform upon which our behavior is built. For me, there are two definite forms of structure that have a high level of influence in my life: family experience and beliefs about myself.

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The structure provided by family experience has come in two primary forums. The first was through my family experience in the role of a child. Much of who I am today comes as a result of the lessons I learned from my parents. They taught me that I must work hard, be kind, do for others, tell the truth, and many other simple elements of being a successful individual – at least in their estimation. Those early learnings have been at the heart of my current approach to life. At some point, though, I stopped doing these things in order to make my parents proud and, instead, starting doing them because they simply felt right.

The sense of feeling that my approach to life is “right” is a big part of having belief about myself. For much of my life, I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by people who genuinely care about me and well-being. But, there are times when the interests of others outweigh my personal concerns. In those moments, I must rely upon my own understanding of who I am and what I am capable of. It is this sense of self appreciation that drives me to complete difficult tasks. Returning to school, for example, was a goal that I knew was important to me. Many people questioned the feasibility of returning to college after more than a decade away not to mention the challenge of accomplishing it now that I have a family and a full time job. Here I am, though, in my final courses working to achieve my goal. 

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Prompt #5:  Make some connections between the Lemming Dilemma and the HBR article “Do your commitments match your convictions?”   In particular, comment on “inertia” with respect to the structures in your life.  Elaborate on the positive and negative aspects of inertia with respect to living a values-centered life.

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The Lemming Dilemma is indicative of the struggles we each face in life as we work to define our purpose and vision. In the story, the lemmings live their lives with the understanding that someday, they will jump off a cliff. The reason why they jump seems irrelevant – instead, they simply do it because it is what is expected of them. For many people in life, the process is very similar (without the cliff jumping, of course). The societal expectations placed upon us can be a hard force to challenge. Grow up, go to school, go to college, get a high paying job, get married, have kids, and encourage them to continue the cycle. This routine seems universal for many of us, but that does not mean that it is appropriate for all of us.

For too many years, I was also caught up in this cycle of expectation. Based partly in my upbringing and partly on the lives of the people around me, I thought that there was no real alternative to this life approach. But then, something happened. I began to question whether or not this approach was truly the best option for me. This transformed the negative inertia of my mindless approach into something far more productive. I began to see the true possibilities of my life. My world will inevitably involve a professional calling (work) but it does not need to be defined by it. I have moved beyond the perception that success in life is qualified by a high level title and a big pay check. Instead, I now invest in the value of relationships and personal satisfaction. In my mind, endeavoring to pursue a different path in life has given me the opportunity to recognize a higher level of joy and personal accomplishment. Sure, I’m going to college but it isn’t aimed and simply getting a better job. I am learning more about myself and about my ability to contribute to the world around me.

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Prompt #6:  Imagine that your life exists exactly the way that you want it to be, right at this moment – regardless of what you believe is actually possible.  What do you see?  Where are you?  Who are you with?  What do you do with your time?  Be specific.  Also, what underlying personal meaning, values, personal characteristics, desires are represented and/or satisfied in that life?

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In a world where everything is just as I’d like it, I see many things. I see myself surrounded by my family – my wife, son, sisters, and parents. Each of us would be free of financial obligation – a result of hard work and determination. We’d be able to spend time with one another and with the world around us. I’d love for us to spend time traveling and learning about cultures other than our own. I’d like to see how the world functions beyond the familiar day to day of American life. While I would not specifically be devoted to volunteerism, I would like to contribute to local and distant communities through volunteer efforts. Building homes, planting trees, and sharing knowledge could help us to make a positive impact on people in need. The sense of satisfaction I associate with service to others is infectious. My hope would be that our actions would create a ripple effect of positivity and that, in our time on this planet, we would be able to create positive change.